A tragic tale of lies, deceit and eventual (?) redemption after the break...
(I feel so cool getting to be like Dirk and saying "after the break")Hey guys, I have a bit of a "human interest story" for you here, and need your help deciding on what to do. This is the tragic tale of my first ever Predators jersey. A few years back, I was dating this girl and we had an awesome relationship. We played in a band together (Springsteen and Scalfia east your hearts out), she was hot, and I was happy. So for Christmas one year she buys me my first Predators jersey. It was one of the NICE ones-- you know the Authentic type ones that the players wear. It was a size or two too big, no problem... She customized it with my last name and used my pee wee hockey number (6) but put a zero in front of it, making it look slightly ridiculous.
"That's okay, baby," I said, "we met in '06, it holds sentimental value." (I'm good like that)
Time passed on and the rock and roll lifestyle took its toll as I realized that there were thousands of better looking, younger and less bi@$#y girls out there and she became increasingly insane and eventually we broke up. I was okay with this until she said something about The Jersey:
"I hope your stupid Predators lose every time you wear that jersey."
GASP! I was floored. I'm a superstitious guy as it is and hockey's got to be the most superstitious sport, so this was like some real bad hoodoo. "Screw it," I said... and wore the jersey. And like clockwork, EVERYTIME I did, the Predators lost. The jersey was locked away in a closet where its evil aura could no longer affect the Western Conference standings.
Life's funny and last summer I was between (younger, better-looking and less bi@$#y) girls and me and the ex who got me the jersey had a brief fling. I pulled the jersey out and made her remove the curse.
"Say, 'I remove the curse from this jersey.'"
"You're an idiot."
"Fine. 'I remove the curse from this jersey.'"
She claimed she never meant it and it was a shame I wasn't wearing it since she spent so much money on it. Long story short, we broke it off again and I thought I was in the clearhaving the curse officially broken, so I broke out the jersey during the playoffs. Last year. On Game 5 in Chicago. Needless to say, the jersey is locked back in its closet with a ring of salt around it and garlic on the door handle.
But its an awesome jersey and it really is a shame I can't wear it... Fast forward to last week: I have a friend who I'm having drinks with and she says, "I'm going to Vancouver next week for work and I think I'll see a hockey game. Oh look, they play the Predators!"
My mind started whirring... maybe this was the chance I was looking for! I told her I had a jersey she could take. My theory is that if I send the jersey deep into Canada where its fairly likely to be the only Preds jersey off the ice and we beat the "#1 team according to all the power rankings" and she gets doused in beer, it may be powerful enough to break the curse.
I'm hoping someone on here has some expertise in voodoo or hockey superstitions (or psychiatry if I'm completely nuts) and can tell me if a baptism in Molson Ice in enemy territory is enough to work. What do you guys think?
(Thanks for the help!)