I have a problem with the way things are going. A BIG problem.

I don't intend to quietly accept if life hands us lemons, and I don't like lemonade.

Consider the following, friends and comrades:

EXHIBIT A:

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Not even the comic relief provided by Edmonton's brilliantly bad record can distract from the fact that the Predators are in 9th place--the worst possible place to be when the season ends.

EXHIBIT B:

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The fact that NJ plays in the somewhat easier Eastern Conference doesn't overshadow the fact that they're having a brilliant run of games, and look to challenge the best second-half record of all time. Of all time!

I'll spare you all the detailed back story here, as most of you probably already know it well; suffice it to say that based on how things looked earlier in the year, Nashville should be competing for the division title, while NJ should be competing for the first overall draft pick, as well as having made golf reservations long ago. I've made my share of jokes at the Devil's expense this season, I must admit.

If the New Jersey Devils make the playoffs and the Predators do not, I will be SO ANGRY that words will be wholly inadequate for expressing my feelings, and I will have to resort to more drastic measures.

EXHIBIT C:

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A ordinary traffic cone of no special virtue, which currently resides on the Internet, but is available for a modest sum.

Here it is. If the Predators miss the playoffs and the Devils get in, on the very day when both of the teams have mathematically sealed their fortunes, for the rest of that day, I will place this traffic cone (or one of similar nature) upon my head in protest. I will not remove it for any reason, even doorways. Furthermore, I will send photographic documentation of the experience, along with a written explanation of precisely how angry I am and why, to every member of the Predators ownership and management whose information I am able to acquire.

Furthermore, if the mathematical sealing of fates happens while each team has at least one game remaining in the regular season, I will strip down to my underwear to ensure clothing (and consideration for others) doesn't get in the way of my message.

Thus will the world know of my displeasure.

Now, here is where all of you readers come in.

At least one of the following criteria must be met in order for me to do this (after all, what's the point of a demonstration if no one cares?)

1. At least 50 people post comments that include something which could be understood as "Do it!".

or, 2. More than 200 people vote on the poll, and >75% vote "Yes"

or, 3. At least 10 people like this idea enough to give it a good old-fashioned rec'ing.

And if all of the above happen, I will make photographic documentation of the evening available for all. (Though, of course, I'll not provide any indecent photos in any case. No need to worry, kids.)