FanPost

Preds-Avalanche Preview/Redux: "…there’s absolutely nothing to see or do in Denver. At all."

??? Nyet nyet NYET, Nurshweel!!! Like – taking out the trash at Museum of Art! - Photo credit: Mouthguard

Ilya Bryzgalov here:

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©MouthGuard

You wonder why I am disguised as yucca, da? I will explain momentarily. MouthGuard is afeered you will forget what cchhappen last month with Yetilanche so I gonna refresh your memory a beet. But you are mistaken about Denver! It is beautiful city with many things to hoffers. For examples, last night I went out for deener with MouthGuard and we shared delightful dessert that look like eeny meeny martians from outer space:

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©MouthGuard

We conclude eveningkkks at secret underground former Department of Defense speakeasy with aged rum from tropikal outpost:

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©MouthGuard

We also visit Denver Botanic Garden that closely resembles Bryzgaldome!

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©MouthGuard

But back to yucca. Right now, I am bimboo, as matter of fact:

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©MouthGuard

I heff to be careful, Nurshweel. Very, very careful. Denver is DANGEROUS PLANYETT RIGHT NOW. In fact, Predatorzz have to be careful also!!! This town is full of negatif energies! You don’t know who you can trust! Believe me! I meet with Yetis for secrit interview, but now I am afeered for my life, Nurshweel. You need to know about some things and what to do for tomorrow’s game!!!

Ilya’s Teeps for Yeti Game:

  • Your best guys heff to stay out of box, da?
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    ©MouthGuard

    Only to jump in box with lemon custard donut from Jelly is okay!
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    ©MouthGuard

  • You heff to try not to choke Duchene by mistake!!! You again, da!
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    ©MouthGuard

  • You heff to pass puck to this guy with bushy Brezhnev eyebrows!!!
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    ©MouthGuard

  • You heff to keep your lead if you get one!!!
  • You heff to geev these guys donut! They can't catch break, da?
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    ©MouthGuard

  • New outfeets for Weelson and Stalberg. [New outfeet = 7 wins in row plus shutout once.]
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    ©MouthGuard

Nurshweel, you heff to be on high alert in Denver! I am so afeered now that I am Mothership Giant Leely Pad:

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©MouthGuard

You heff to make promise to kep big secrit, but I found out that Yetilanche Yemperorzz live here, in Yeti Monster Fortress:

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©MouthGuard

Scary of all, Yetilanche home dressing room has creepi CHAIR JAIL!

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©MouthGuard

With TEAM TORTURE CHAIR SOFA!

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©MouthGuard

Look – ERIC JOHNSON B**BY CHAIR where Yetilanche Regime makes him seeet when he has bad game!

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©MouthGuard

"WELCOME" VIBRATOR SPA CHAIR for Maxime Talbot! (creepi, yes?)

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©MouthGuard

I dunno Nurshweel. New Yetilanche Regime discoveries are creepi and I dunno what to think of them. These guys are number one team in NHCheyl but there is creepi vibe going on here. You heff to be careful, okay?

Good luck tomorrow, and may the force be with you Nurshweel. DON'T BACK DOWN BUT DO NOT SIT DOWN ON OR TALK TO YETILANCHE CHAIRS.

** all photographs of fortresses, oversized sweepers, obscenely oversized meat-eating tropical fauna, obscenely overpriced aged rum, obscenely overpriced hockey players, super creepy chairs, super creepy food and trans-gender friendly garments taken by MouthGuard, in and around gorgeous, spectacular, bustling downtown Denver, CO. so there.

This FanPost was written by an OTF reader, and does not represent the views of the editorial staff. Got something you'd like to share? <a href="http://www.sbnation.com/admin/entries/new?community_id=208&entry_type=FanPost" target="new">Post your own</a>!

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