clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

It's a good ole hockey meme...

This got started yesterday by Jes Golbez. Here's my take...

If I Were a Hockey Player:


Team: Detroit Red Wings
Uniform Number: 35
Position: Right Wing
Nickname: Good question - my name doesn't lend itself to the "ie" effect, as in Dougie, Stevie, etc.
Dream Linemates: Brendan Shanahan on LW, Joe Sakic at C.
Rounding out the PP: Nick Lidstrom and Zdeno Chara (it would be hilarious just to stand on the ice next to him).
Job: Forechecking (duh!), and working the crease for rebounds & tips.
Signature Move: Quick shots of the faceoff in the offensive zone.
Strengths: Hustle, passing, defensive anticipation.
Weaknessess: Shooting, skating.
Injury Problems? A 20-pound growth that's congealed around my midsection since my college days. Leading medical researchers call it a "spare tire", or "lovehandles".
Equipment: Tattered and well-worn padding, a clunky Cooper hockey helmet, and an old-school Torspo hockey stick with plenty of "heft". All the better for the jousting in front of the net...
Nemesis: Whichever young punk is trying to win my spot on that dream line.
Scandal Involvement: Rabble-rousing within the NHLPA to get them to realize they're a billion-dollar organization, not just a bunch of dumb jocks needing a guy in a suit.
Who I'd face in the Stanley Cup Finals: Philadelphia Flyers - there's just something satisfying about watching Bobby Clarke fail.
What I'd do with the Stanley Cup after our victory: Fill it up with coney sauce, fire up the grill, and serve!
Would the media love me or hate me? Hate me - I'd go crazy if I had to answer their largely inane questions one day after another...