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Evening Dump & Chase: The Worst NHL Article Ever Written

This evening we bring you a second bushelful of hockey stories to keep you busy while genetically engineered freaks battle to push an oblong leather bladder up and down a field in front of a national television audience. I couldn't hold onto these babies until tomorrow, because the first entry in our "Around the World" section is singularly spectacular in its awfulness. And surprisingly enough, it's not even from Bleacher Report!

By the way, how nice is it to have enough stories for two installments of the Dump & Chase in one day again?

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Naturally, an article on the NHL CBA should include a prominent link to a post on the Best NFL Cheerleading Squads.
Naturally, an article on the NHL CBA should include a prominent link to a post on the Best NFL Cheerleading Squads.
Steve Mitchell-US PRESSWIRE

Nashville Predators News

Thanks to former ‘purse holder’ Mike Fisher, end of NHL lockout is People’s top story | Puck Daddy
Carrie Underwood drives the clicks, people.

Predators players switch locations - Predators Insider
Josh Cooper got reaction after some of the Preds had their first skate at Centennial Sportsplex in several months.

David Poile tells his scouts to look eastward - Nashville Predators Examiner
An interesting idea here, that the Preds are most likely to find trade partners in the Eastern Conference (thanks to only intraconference games on the schedule this season).

Smashville 24/7 - What should top Poile’s priority list?
Ryan wants to see a true #1 center lead the way. For the word straight from the GM's mouth, check out his press availability this afternoon:

Around the Wide Wide World of Hockey

'Hockey Cliff' Averted, Lockout Ends - CNBC
This article is so hilariously bad, you just have to read it. From "ZZdeno Chara" to "Shea Webber", to misunderstanding how salary cap dollars <> actual payments to players, to the use of "Revenue Sharing" in a way which no hockey writer would... it's a trip. There's even a link to "The NFL's 10 Best Cheerleading Squads 2013" thrown in for no apparent reason!

30 Thoughts: How the shortened NHL season could work | Hockey | CBC Sports
As always, Elliotte Friedmand brings the goods.

NHL Network fails to cover the sport's biggest story - Awful Announcing
Seriously, what a waste of bandwidth.

How can the NHL thank its fans? Improve its GameCenter Live service | Backhand Shelf
Rather than the Center Ice package, some are looking to GameCenter Live's online streaming as the way to win back fans.

The Incredible Shrinking League | The Classical
The NHL has fallen out of the conversation alongside MLB, NFL & the NBA, and this lockout has only made recovery more difficult.

How Bad Does Hockey Hazing Have To Be To Get An Entire Women's College Team Suspended? - Deadspin
Well, this is odd.

Pro sports profits: Hobbies for rich people shouldn't pay a return - Slate
Matthew Yglasias examines the notion that pro sports teams should be expected to turn a profit.

Nationalized Hockey League: Why the U.S. government should take over the NHL - Battle of California
I approve this message.

Sponsors may be leery of NHL as hockey set to return, brand expert says | National News | Lethbridge Herald
Getting fans back in the building is easy - they love the game. Corporate sponsors, on the other hand? They're not so forgiving.

The post-game pyrotechnics show for the German league outdoor game was amazing (VIDEO) | Puck Daddy
Deutsche Hockey, uber alles.

Trees for goals is now a thing because Andrew Ference is excellent - Stanley Cup of Chowder
Now here's a nice way to engage with fans...

A visit to the World Junior Hockey Championships - Grantland
Katie Baker shares her Ufa experience.

Saying Good-bye to the 10 Horrible People We Met During the NHL Lockout - The Triangle Blog - Grantland
Thank goodness these people are all gone, am I right Complains About Every Mishandled Pass Guy?

Tomas Holmstrom’s Retirement and Legacy - Octopus Thrower
Slightly less celebrated than Nicklas Lidstrom, to be sure, but this is a significant loss for the Red Wings. I remember when Holmstrom first joined Detroit, and it was doubtful whether his skating would allow him to stay in the league.

Flames fighting injuries as shortened season approaches - The Globe and Mail
Calgary is one of the teams that will have to start the season without key personnel.