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Great Moments in Game Operations: Flames Edition

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Youtube is dangerous, friends.

I'm not sure what's going on in this photo, but it's like the team was just shown these videos. Just go with it.
I'm not sure what's going on in this photo, but it's like the team was just shown these videos. Just go with it.
Christopher Hanewinckel-USA TODAY Sports

The 1980s were a remarkable time for Canada. Neil Young was still very cool, Kim Mitchell was relevant, and the Oilers were downright special. But for two years during that stretch, things clicked for the Calgary Flames. In 1987, a year removed from their Cup run, the Flames recorded this gem for charity.

Immediately, this is off to a bad start. In the time of new wave, hair bands, and early hip-hop, the Flames opted to be the band Chicago.

We can now see that a relatively wealthy hockey player is wearing a digital watch. The eighties, man.

LANNY. Lanny is looking intense right here. Okay, this may be good.

HOT. RED HOT. Lanny's mustache and chin combination caused hormones to be released in the air, giving the Flames a unique home ice advantage.

Of course this team wins. Did you see Lanny's mustache? Any questions?

Nice try.

"Just breathe into the horn. It'll look real. Promise."

Matching polo shirts? You bet. So when the Calgary Flames Hockey Team walks around Calgary, they won't be confused with anyone else. Novel idea. If they were to do this today with the same polo shirts and black slacks, these guys would look like a typical minor circuit dirt track racing team.

This is from a hype video. They made poor Lanny look like the saddest cowboy ever, following having to kill his own horse for food and warmth during the blizzard of 1872. This is not an edited photo, sadly.

He already looks punchable.

I cannot tell which well rounded item is glowing more: the lamppost or Mike Vernon?

If you're not motivated for Flames hockey now, I can't help you.

Never before have 22 people on stage produced less actual music.

Mike Vernon probably had the most fun during the video. Not hard to see that.

Sex.

This was back when it wasn't as cool to be a beautiful man playing hockey. The game has went through stretches where the pretty men succeeded. The Flames didn't care. Hence, only one ring.

The actual "music" sounds like a keyboard and an electronic drum set. Two guys from Red Deer probably recorded this in their cabin.

They actually showed this clip twice. His situation hasn't improved.

If you've even shot a video like this, or had to dance in place for a few hours, it's exhausting. At this point, no one is having a good time.

But the effort? Still strong.

Now we know whom Mike Fisher grew up idolizing.

I imagine this is what your local mattress store would look like if they formed a barbershop quartet.

No shame. At. All.

This dude again. He's the only one trying after the 3:30 mark. But he brings it home, and to it's merciful end.If you choose to watch this atrocity, it's on the youtube.

Minor league sports teams on this continent feel like they can get away with anything. Remember Ted Williams Popsicle Night? Minor league teams think that just because folks don't care as much, they mock the dead, and kill firemen.

LOL.

So eight seconds into the video, they bring up a disaster that destroyed most of their downtown area. You knew it was doomed from the start.

This guy is attacking a 6' high blaze without water. Be mad at the flame all you want, but dude is walking into the O.K. Corral with a butter knife.

An electric *ZAP* effect is heard. It didn't look cloudy. But this is the Northeast, home of the permacloud. I don't know if lightning struck or what.

OH NOES. That flashlight didn't win the battle.

Of course the mascot then proceeds to dance on the grave of the fireman, and the hopeless news cameraman can only look on in horror at the events of today.

He's not even hiding. He just took out some probie fireman, buried him, and now waiving a flag on the sidewalk. You can't stop him. That looks like the front of any government building and/or news station. The concrete looks old, likely the 70s or 80s, and weathered. Scorch don't care, Scorch don't scare.

UPDATE:
Scorch has received the "Boomer" treatment. He gone.