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Great Moments in Game Operations: Chapter 4

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Putting up a video on Youtube is dangerous. Especially if it's terrible now or has the potential to become terrible later.

Anne-Marie Sorvin-USA TODAY Spor

Game operations is very much a copycat world. If something works, it gets copied, saturated, and abandoned unless it's impossible to copy.

The simple truth Vancouver learned is that while Seattle Seahawks fans really love their whole 12th Man tradition, hockey fans don't exactly take too kindly to some new tradition; especially in cities like Vancouver. Here's the link to this video taken on opening night in 2008. The audio is terrible- it's like the gain is all the way up.  So for that, it's autopsy time.

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"As we begin our new tradition" -Something the PA guy actually said. This is the opening video slide. Canada, especially the western provinces, are the original hipsters. They'll pay a whole lot more to look antiquated and pitch a massive fit if something doesn't look as simple and plain as a Bryan Adams denim jacket.

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Hi, Cliff Ronning.

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Cliff's mic isn't working.

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"Is the mic working?" -Cliff

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Cliff then gets to stand next to some day 1 season ticket holder and vomit out a love note to the Canucks. Some of the crowd chanted "Ronning", but the care level is incredibly low. You can tell the writers expected a crowd pop when Cliff says "I was proud to wear the number seven... but now it's to pass it to you the fans."

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Someone has a live mic on, critiquing Cliff's speech. Par for the course. By the way, the number seven was here passed to the fan(s), and then two years later given to the most appropriate player: David Booth.

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Game Ops Director: "There. See? It's a jersey with 7 on it."

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Game Ops Director: "Now the FAN has the jersey. It's gold, Gord. GOLD."

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Audience: "Yeah. K."

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Now the fan and CANUCKS LEGEND AND FAN FAVOURITE CLIFF RONNING get to unveil something. Of course it looks like the device is made with a hockey stick. Its things like this that really make me think that Trailer Park Boys was a real documentary.

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Then there's this *ZAPP* sound effect. This is what happens when your country doesn't form a space program until 20 years after we've been to the moon.

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Yeah man. #7. And gee whiz, this is some epic music. Michael Bay must've used this for a chase scene. Crowd has GOT to be completely nuts right?

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As the creator of Calvin and Hobbes Bill Watterson said it best, "you can present the material, but you can't make me care."

The reason why you've likely never heard of this tradition or seen this jersey is that the whole thing was abandoned after one night. They still have this page up on their website:

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A swing and a miss on this one. But go ahead and finish your glass... this next one is truly hideous.

***

Firstly, I'm not a big fan of modern music. I especially do not enjoy my FIFA soundtracks being plagued by Imagine Dragons. So this was too much fun for me.

Last year, the Avalanche were much better than expected with a roster fulla kids and Semyon Varlamov playing some of his best hockey. That doesn't explain why they felt the need to make this wretched attempt at being cool. They didn't have to do this.

But they did.

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We open with a shot that makes one of my favorite cities in the world look like Gary, IN. This hurts, Avs.

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If you didn't see the little Avs logo in the corner, you'd think this is Patrick Kane... maybe.

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Well, glad that long pan to the side cleared up the confusion. Not Kane.

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In fact, I really don't know who these guys are except Duchene, Landeskog, and Varly. You could swap out the team with One Republic and no one would notice outside of Denver and Canada (damn you, junior hockey).

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"How big do you want my eyes open?"

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He's got a water bottle. Clearly Denver functions on the honor system without names stapled to the side of the bottle.

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He Thorntoned the camera.

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.....if you think this guy looks bad, hold your breath and wait for the next slide.

Ready?

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We're not even 40 seconds into this.

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Is Gabe editing this as this was filmed?

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This lucky guy didn't have to lip synch the whole video.

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Getting the captain to sing shirtless into the mirror, that's leadership.

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I'm not sure what banging a dust covered concert performance bass drum in an abandoned warehouse gets you.

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Especially when you other guys screwing up the intonation by beating on stuff that isn't suspended.

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Instead of emulating Crosby, MacKinnon looks like he's trying to be the next Ryan Miller.

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At least they look cool.

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Good thing they managed to splice in some game footage.

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Game footage included the one time J.S. Giguere got upset that didn't involve a trip to Vegas at the end of the year.

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This is real.

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Dude is MURDERING this bass drum while lip synching. This had to be a blast to film in a tight concrete hallway.

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Bruce Boudreau is the calm and reserved one.

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Mercifully, the video ends with fancyboy here mumbling "#WhyNotUs".

The Avs played some real gorgeous hockey, then were dispatched by a team that managed to make me fall asleep playing against the Avs: Minnesota. So the answer to "Why Not Us" was simply "Erik Johnson".