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Wednesday’s Dump & Chase: One Liners

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Have you ever tried to pull hockey news out of thin air?

Winnipeg Jets v Nashville Predators - Game Seven Photo by Frederick Breedon/Getty Images

Hockey News & Rants

Predators Announce Single-Game Ticket Promotions for 2018-19 Season | NHL
I wonder if they put Chick-fil-A up against McDonalds in a MMA style cage match to become the sponsor of the Family Pack? I’m sure even the Preds’ front office needs the entertainment this time of year.

Also...

Get verified, the NHL app will probably still fail you, but at least you won’t have to wonder what could have been if you would have gotten verified sooner!

NHL teams reportedly consider video game ‘Fortnite’ a major distraction for players | CBS Sports
“Some junior hockey players have been advised to scrub their social media accounts of “Fortnite” references because some NHL clubs view the game as detrimental to players’ focus.”

The year is 2020 and the NHL has done away with human athletes with personalities and hobbies outside of hockey and replaced with robots who don’t compute anything that isn’t hockey related or pre-programmed by the league.

Zach Parise unfiltered: State of the Wild, Ilya Kovalchuk and ‘Lost’ | ESPN
“ESPN: You and Ryan Suter signed your 13-year contracts in July 2012. Back then, did you believe you would have played for a Stanley Cup with the Wild by 2018?”

Top 100 NHL players of 2018–19: 50–31 | SportsNet
I’m not saying this list is garbage but I disagree 100%

In what world is Dustin Byfuglien’s game better than Filip Forsberg’s?

I disagree so much my eye is twitching.

Here’s every NHL team’s player to watch break out this year | Fansided
I think any article where you have to click “next page” or “next slide” to get to the rest of the article is the best way to get me to not read the rest of your article. But since news is slow I clicked through to get to Nashville so you don’t have to.

Hi Juuse!

Seguin ‘disappointed’ to not have long-term contract signed with Stars | NHL
Is disappointed code for “please don’t sign me so I can go anywhere else?” Is this actually a cry for help? Tyler, are you okay?

The central is only getting tougher, Dallas is going to have to dig deep if they want a cup run while Seguin and Jamie Benn are still in their prime. If they decide to keep Seguin around, he’ll more than likely be looking for a contract similar to Benn’s and unless Dallas is going all in to be Chicago 2.0 I don’t imagine they’re going to sink that kind of cap space into two guys who are hitting the backend of their best years.

Predicting when every NHL team will win its next Stanley Cup | Fansided
Again I scrolled through all the teams you don’t care about, so you don’t have to, all for the love of the Nashville Predators.

And I definitely don’t hate this prediction.

$10,000 well spent: The quirks of outfitting an NHL goalie | ESPN
I’m sorry...goalie equipment costs how much?

But why?

Cole says Avalanche could be in playoffs ‘every single year’ | NHL
I get what he’s saying about Colorado’s youth, but I think Cole might be in for a rude awakening when he realizes that playing for the Pittsburgh Penguins and playing in the central division are two completely different beasts.

Pacioretty, Canadiens haven’t negotiated contract extension | NHL
I’m sure there will be talks but with Montreal doing whatever it is they’ve been doing the past few years I wouldn’t blame the guy for walking away and going literally anywhere else in the league.