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All Hail “Rally Tavern,” Your New Hockey Overlord

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It’s like Steve Sullivan in mobile-bar form

You’re Going Where? Milwaukee

No question, Nashville’s come-from-behind win over Minnesota was all thanks to one thing...and one thing only.

Yes, behold the “Rally Tavern.” Your new Savior of Smashville.

Like most of you, I wasn’t a fan when this first rolled onto the ice. These things are the bane of Nashville’s existence. We’ve all been stuck behind one of these while trying to navigate the already tight rush-hour traffic — clenching our fists around the wheel as bros in croakies and boat shoes merrily jaunt down Demonbreun, pounding Yazoos and shouting at passing girls in cowboy boots to “AYYYYYYY COME PARTY WITH USSSSSSSSSSSS.”

You were right to boo. I booed. It was a sweet, beautiful moment of unity during a tense and divisive time in our history.

But I was wrong. We all were.

The Preds left the second period down 2-1. The crowd was frustrated after two quick goals against. And then the pedal tavern moved onto the ice, gracefully gliding as the boos rained upon these brave fans who thought, “oh I have just made a terrible life choice.” The drama was over. Then the third period started. Mikael Granlund scored. Then Austin Watson. Then Viktor Arvidsson. ThenFilip Forsberg capped off the game. Minnesota would not find the scoresheet again.

This is no coincidence, folks... this is the Legend of the Rally Tavern.

Most hockey “experts” will try to dispel this notion. They’ll say things like “tHe PrEdAtOrS’ rAlLy WaS dUe To BeTtEr ExEcUtIoN iN tHe OfFeNsIvE zOnE.” Do not listen to this blasphemy, brothers and sisters. This is simply heresy designed to discredit the true might of this boozy contraption.

We the fans now have the need — nay — THE RESPONSIBILITY to welcome the light of the Rally Tavern into our lives. In fact, we should dearly hope the Predators lean into this with more vigor. I want to see Laviolette utilize this inthe team’s gameplan. You think Pekka Rinne’s hard to score on? Well, try going top shelf with this massive vehicle blocking the goal! You think Viktor Arvidsson goes too hard to the net? Imagine being a defender who has to slow down Kayleigh Anne’s bachelorette weekend while they’re all SCREAMING “Get Your Shine On” at their top of their Bud Light-filled lungs.

And we all remember the “Flying V” from the Mighty Ducks movies, right? Well wait until you see the “Flying Tavern.” Josi steers while Duchene, Forsberg, and Granlund play one-hand hot potato with the puck... then they suddenly set up Ryan Ellis, who’s been hiding in the bartender’s section this time, for the booming slapshot right over the confused goalie’s glove hand. That’s an offensive weapon John Cooper WISHED he had in his arsenal.

Face it, Smashville, Rally Tavern is not the hero we expected, wanted, or even need right now. But it’s the one we have. And it’s our duty to grit our teeth, throw down a swig of Tennessee whiskey, and say “damn it, we’re going all in on the rally tavern.”

Because when the Preds win the Cup, we’ll all know who to thank.