This list was compiled by myself and Dan D. Bradley, with a little help from Jon. This is just our opinion and meant to be fun in case some of you have any ideas of lighting us up for this exercise in hyperbole and satire.
If you missed them, check out the sigils for every NHL team, by the talented Rachel L. Cohen.
SPOILER ALERT!! – Do not read any further if you haven’t watched the show up to the Season 4 finale. You have been warned.
Anaheim Ducks
BRONN – Skilled, fun, and good company. Takes off when you need him the most.
Arizona Coyotes
BRIENNE OF TARTH – Sturdy and loyal, able to beat her adversaries without fame or recognition. Left to wander.
Boston Bruins
SANDOR CLEGANE (THE HOUND) – Scarred, battle tested, fierce and hated by most for playing dirty.
Buffalo Sabres
SANSA STARK – Dramatically loses everyone around her and jumps from one terrible life event to the next.
Calgary Flames
GRAND MAESTER PYCELLE – Outlived his usefulness a few years back, resolved to keep going back to the same procedures that do not help cure the ill.
Carolina Hurricanes
HODOR – Not that great, except when under control of a competent manager.
Chicago Blackhawks
ROBERT BARATHEON – Wins the crown, gets lots of attention. Rude and belligerent, much like his supporters.
Colorado Avalanche
MANCE RAYDER – ALL THE OFFENSE. Defense was very suspect. Lost it all in the north.
Columbus Blue Jackets
BRAN STARK – Wandering around in the snow, looking to satisfy his hallucinations. Seems to be on the right track, and we wish him luck, but geez… this is a long process.
Dallas Stars
DAVOS SEAWORTH – Very likable and came from an unconventional background, but needs to borrow money to get anything accomplished. Went all in a while back, lost it all, and bounced back nicely.
Detroit Red Wings
PETER BAELISH – We just don’t like this guy. He’s evil. He’s good with coins and craves power. He’s not much to look at now, but he’s dangerous. Plus, he has moved all over and has supporters all over the country.
Edmonton Oilers
DAENERYS OF THE HOUSE TARGARYEN, THE FIRST OF HER NAME, QUEEN OF MEEREEN, QUEEN OF THE ANDALS, THE ROYNAR AND THE FIRST MEN, LADY REGNANT OF THE SEVEN KINGDOMS, PROTECTOR OF THE REALM, KHALEESI OF THE GREAT GRASS SEA, BREAKER OF CHAINS AND MOTHER OF DRAGONS – Full of hope and a future where they sit atop the Iron Throne. Sure, they may be champions eventually, but this slow rise to power is getting freaking old.
Florida Panthers
SAMWELL TARLY – Achieved a great accomplishment a couple of seasons ago that shocked himself and viewers alike. Not quite useless anymore but also not very helpful.
Los Angeles Kings
TYRION LANNISTER – Full of personality, often overlooked to the detriment of others, and always comes out on top in the end. Spends a lot of time drinking out of cups.
Minnesota Wild
ROOSE BOLTON – Bolton turned his back on his supporters, was purchased by an evil man, and put into power in the north.
Montreal Canadiens
JOFFREY BARATHEON – Things go his way, or people will be executed and booed mercilessly. Suffers freak injury.
Nashville Predators
STANNIS BARATHEON – He’s been living in obscurity since his last “all-in” venture failed miserably.
New Jersey Devils
CERSEI LANNISTER – Getting older and losing power every year, still passionate about keeping her children close.
New York Islanders
ARYA STARK – Belonged to a prominent and accomplished house before floating around in obscurity and presumed dead. Has a lust for revenge and soon will have the ability to seek it.
New York Rangers
ROBB STARK – All was going well in his life, then someone played “Rains of Castamere” in MSG.
Ottawa Senators
JON SNOW – Shunned because of his bastard birth. Resides in a places most people try to ignore or tend to forget.
Philadelphia Flyers
TYWIN LANNISTER – All the money. Evil. Not afraid to kill enemies at dinner. Opportunistic.
Pittsburgh Penguins
JAMIE LANNISTER – Once the most feared name in the realm, now missing a crucial piece and is a shell of what he once was.
St. Louis Blues
CATELYN STARK – Just wanted what was best for her family, but welcoming in another member contributed in being dispatched in gruesome fashion.
San Jose Sharks
OBERYN MARTELL – He had a huge opponent beaten, but got a little too cocky. People loved him, but that didn’t stop them (and him) from getting crushed.
Tampa Bay Lightning
NED STARK – Flawed, but loveable. Didn’t go well when he tried to expose Montreal. Dispatched quickly.
Toronto Maple Leafs
YGRITTE – Keeps telling the wise educated guy from the south “You Know Nothing” and proceeds with plan doomed to failure.
Vancouver Canucks
THEON GREYJOY – Has the kind of willful arrogance that one bad year can strip away leaving him without an identity.
Washington Capitals
KHAL DROGO – All the power in the world to become a badass, unstoppable champion. Thought his offense negated the need for defense, which eventually killed him in a slow, agonizing fashion.
Winnipeg Jets
JORAH MORMONT – Moved from his home twice, can never seem to stay in anyone’s good graces.
Thanks for letting us delve into the Game of Thrones mythos. We, of course, would love to hear your feed back in the comments below and be sure to follow us on Twitter @Preducated for Jeremy Sargent and @DanDBradley for Dan D. Bradley.
Stick tap to Dan and those who participated in the message board that got this idea started…”It’s All Your Fault!!”